Ocean Beach, So Cal

Once again Mike and I have been charmed by the SoCal lifestyle. We're lured by the beach and the warmth and the general relaxed feeling of all the people who live here. Being in California always starts a conversation about moving for us. How? When? This was our second time in the San Diego area, the first was about 3 years ago. This time we stayed in Ocean Beach, affectionately called OB. This places is packed with hippies, surfers and dogs.

Ocean beach lacks commercialization. There are no chain restaurants and all of the restaurants and shops are local.  A smell of nag champa lingers in the air and I saw more VW buses than imaginable.  I would absolutely go back again.

If you're in the area here are a few things we enjoyed doing:

-"Beer Flights" at the Olive Tree Tasting Room. They also offer small cheese and meat plates that were amazing (dried figs, honey, sourdough bread, aged gouda to name a few things).

-Tasty Pizza at Pizza Port- also, amazing craft beer selection. I had the California Honey and we ordered the Carlsbad pizza.

-Eating way too big of a burger at Hodad's and being seriously impressed with their bacon. Quite frankly it was like...brisket bacon? Just try it, don't ask questions. Protip: Don't wait in the crazy line. Walk right in, order to-go and go eat on the beach. It's WAY faster.

-Being shocked by how big 1 scoop of ice cream is at Lighthouse Creamery (okay, maybe I just don't eat ice cream very often and don't know anything...just saying)

-Watching the Arsenal game at the Harp Bar...okay mostly Mike did this and I watched about 15 minutes of it, BUT...they do open at like 4:30 AM for die-hard premiere league fans.

-Eating weird/delicious coconut tapioca at The Warehouse.  The antique decor here will keep you entertained.

-THE BEST FISH TACOS EVER at Oscar's...this is in the neighboring town of Pacific Beach/La Jolla but you absolutely have to go their and eat as many tacos as possible because they are out of control good.

Mom

Before this summer, the last time I saw my mom I was about 4 years old.  I don't remember many details, but I remember her sneaking into the room I was staying in at her house in the wee hours of the morning, crawling into bed with me and holding me.  It felt like love and loss.

My parents met and married in *****. My mom is ****** and my dad was a linguist in the army. I guess their story is fairly typical: ****** woman marries American man in the military. I've heard it so many times before.  My parents didn't stay together very long. He left with a toddler in tow, divorced my mom and got sole custody of me.

When I was growing up my mom was something of my imagination. She was a woman who sent me presents in the mail, maybe the occasional card. But she didn't really know anything about me.  For a while, she called.  But eventually the calls stopped, the cards and presents stopped and she became even more elusive to me.

The past few years I have been speaking with my mom on the phone. Before that there was about a decade long gap where I hadn't heard a peep out of her. It took me a very long time to get to the point where I wasn't sad or angry with her for leaving me. I still can't completely understand it, but it isn't something that gives me pain anymore.

My mom remarried a man in the air force. They've been together ever since and from what I can tell they seem really happy. I am happy for her. Her husband has a daughter my age from another relationship who lives with her mom. My mom has two children with her husband, boys. They don't know that their mom and dad both have kids from previous relationships.  It's a secret. And this is the number one reason why my mom hasn't come to see me, because she would have to explain.

My brothers are both in their teens. They are old enough to accept that their parent's aren't perfect. I have heard too many times that they will be told eventually. Their parents want to wait until they're old enough.  I worry though.  How will they ever be able to trust their parents again? My mom talks about retiring in Florida and having all of the kids stay with them. I indulge her, but right now it's so difficult to believe that anything close to that will ever be reality.

I wonder about the other daughter. Does she know about me? Does she want to meet me?  I want to meet her, but I don't ask because I don't want to alienate my mom and destroy the fragile relationship we have.

Mike and I met my mom at a restaurant in Maryland for lunch. When we got there I explained to him that I didn't know what she looked like.  You don't know what your mom looks like?  He was puzzled.  I had pictures of her from when I was born, but faces change a lot in 20 years and I hadn't seen her in person that I could really remember.

Our first encounter in so many years was surprisingly casual. We hugged and she said I was shorter than what she had imagined...she was shorter than what I had imagined too.  I felt silly for being nervous.  My mom is terribly charismatic, she laughs at her own jokes and is incredibly easy to talk with.  As we sat there we coyly studied each others faces.  Just looking, she would say.



Meeting my mom as an adult was an incredible experience.  I wouldn't say that I am any closer to understanding the reasons why she's hidden me from her other children. For a moment I thought that maybe seeing me would make me more real to her, something that couldn't be hidden as easily.  Maybe that's blind hope, I don't know. After all these years I have no expectations of her. It's possible that things could change and I hold onto that hope for the future.


(Please excuse the asterisks, but I am having a fraud scare and need to protect the location of where I was born)